Now that our hormones have thawed out of their winter hibernation, a lot of us will be looking to put the words of the late, great Marvin Gaye into practical application: "Let's Get It On!" Men and women will be participating in the age-old ritual of finding a mate.

I'm not quite sure how this ritual has become so "age old," because despite the fact that this cat-and-mouse game has been arranged by Nature or a Higher Power or by whatever you believe, at the end of it all, the male participant seems to always come away looking like a selfish, ego-driven bastard.

Yes, between the two sexes men tend to be the most self-serving and self-promoting. Now ladies, before you shake your heads loose nodding in agreement to the previous statement, let's remember that selfishness and egotism are human flaws, not male flaws.

OK, so guys like to show the opposite sex how strong they are by walking around shirtless. Or maybe they will try and impress a girl by going on and on about any given subject to show how smart they are. Necessary or not, it's really no different than a male peacock displaying its plumage. Still, some girls don’t like guys that show off.

Wait, did I say show off? Yes, let's talk about showing off. Ladies, when you put on that article of clothing that is form-fitting and/or revealing, whose attention are you trying to catch? Or when you purchased that pair of low-rise jeans, did you not realize that the top of your thong and that strategically placed tattoo were going to peek out every time you sat down or bent over?

It seems to me that women can be even bigger show-offs than men. Egotism can take on a different twist when it comes to women and the opposite sex. Men can be compared to lions or wolves that pretty much have dominion over any female in their pride or pack. Disgusting right?

Not so fast Marlin Perkins. Women, at times, act as if there isn't a male on this planet who doesn't find them attractive. This mindset can manifest itself in some of the most outrageous displays of exhibitionism.

How many of you young ladies felt the need to get liquored up and flash breasts at a group of rowdy and horny guys over spring break? I know, I know, it was the alcohol right? Do you mean to say that there isn't a little part of you that wouldn't have tried to get on Girls Gone Wild if you hadn't been intoxicated?

Don't put the blame on low self-esteem either. Let's look at this scientifically. Dr. Brian Russell, a professor and psychologist at the University of Kansas, recently made an appearance on Fox News' The O'Reilly Factor. He calls this kind of lascivious behavior "vainglorious." Russell goes on to define the term: "...to be vain and haughty and arrogant and have an inflated sense of self-esteem."

Another aspect of the ritual that guys take the hit for is that once the thrill of the chase is over, they lose interest. Well, I have heard more than one girl admit that the pursuit is more fun than the catch. So while the "dog" may be off looking for the next cat to chase, it may not be long before the "cat" is walking the fence line above another barking dog's yard.

So what kind of guys do girls want? How about that quiet, geeky, sensitive guy over there in the corner? Maybe, but I have seen firsthand the thoughtful, caring, considerate works of this type of guy get trampled on by the first bonehead that comes along flexing his muscle. Girls, that one's on you!

Somehow, some way, the ritual runs its course and it's a good thing too - or else none of us would be here. There is plenty of blame to go around for all the negative aspects of the ritual, and a silly little opinion piece on an online newspaper isn't going to keep the male participants from getting the worst of it. So next time you want to point the finger, ladies, just remember that you are pointing three shaped and polished claws back at yourself.

I don't know where in your mind you think we really care about how many ho-ho's you can stuff in your mouth within fifteen seconds. Unless a girl is an absolute slut, why, when I just met you, would I want to know that your penis is eleven point five inches long? I mean sure I want good sex someday, but I would like to tell you my name first. I am not a French poodle you can just come bang when your wrist gets tired.

Now during spring break both sexes tend to get wild, not daft. For instance, boys, if by some small chance you do get that hot chick way out of your league, don't tell her about what happened between you and your last girl. It's a date, not the Dr. Phil show. Hello!

Mating calls are for the animal kingdom so please improve your so-called pick up lines, because they suck. Seriously, my daddy didn't steal stars to put in my eyes, I don't think anyone would want to come to the "party" in your pants, and no I didn't drop my smile, I just didn't feel like wasting it on your lame personality.

Just a personal question though, why do you boys act like bashful lions? Can you not see a "cat" unless she is on the fence? It's like once you "catch" us you're not hungry anymore. You "tap it" and start chasing the next thing that's moving. If I wanted a minute-man, I would have FedEx-ed myself a freakin' dildo.

I want to be wined and dined by a man, not an uneducated boy who still thinks the G-spot is the local club. Mama's boy, get your butt up. You need a job, and I am not referring to the one you are currently jacking off at. Make me feel like the woman I know I am because I don't have the daddy issues your ex had.

As for you shy type of guys, we do want you - we just can't see you. You're like a chameleon that blends into the walls. It's okay to let us see you guys; we just want to know if we will be able to see ourselves with you.

The "friend zone" is not a bad place to be. It means we trust you. I don't know one of my girlfriends who hasn't had a crush on their best guy friends at one time or another. We can also feel like you are the ones putting us in the "friend zone."

Above all though, ladies, you need to know your worth. Don't settle for that little boy who can only spit game, but never is able to beat it. They say men are the head in our society but might I remind you, we are the neck and we will turn the head whichever way we please.

These "rituals" you little boys play, please, keep them. You all might have evolved from the animal kingdom but I was made by intelligent design.