Everytime we hear someone say "the surge is working" about the US entanglement in Iraq, we want to ask, Working for what?  We did plant a few thousand more American boots on the ground around Baghdad, so the Iraqi government could have a respite from all the domestic violence that was distracting them from coalescing and operating as a smooth working unit, like the U.S. Congress. But to what end?

(America's own government might accomplish more if a few thousand foreign troops - many hired subcontractors - flooded into DC and kept legislators from going at one another in partisan frenzies all the time, too.)

The Iraqi government has, after some lengthy vacations, arguably made minor progress, and indeed some violence has been suppressed.  The media only mention another awful suicide bombing about once a week now, and instead of so much overt slaughter, the quiet if frequent discovery of another mass grave filled with tortured, executed Iraqis is mostly all we hear about any civil war going on. The thoughtful ethnic cleansers like to bury their atrocities, which helps keep things low-key.

Otherwise, we don't hear the media talking so much Shia and Sunni now.  The mainstreams are doing their job putting out the word that US forces have turned their righteous fury on Al-Qaeda in Iraq.  Fortunately we've lured our enemies exactly to where we need them to be, since - as Barack Obama reminded surge zealot John McCain - the terrorist organization responsible for 9/11 was not even in Iraq until McCain and Bush sent them a written invitation, called the US occupation of Iraq.

The US is making a hoo-ha over attacking Al-Qaeda in Iraq now, mainly to suggest that our anti-insurgent surge is doing more than merely pausing the vicious sectarian violence there.  This showy aggression distracts from the fact that the U.S. isn't going after Al-Qaeda at all where it might really count.

For though we thought little of Afghanistan's and Iraq's national sovereignty when we invaded them, the U.S. draws a line with Pakistan, the country whose tribal border region is by all accounts Al-Qaeda's latest headquarters.  Can't touch 'em there, we say!  That's high country, really tough terrain, and besides, it belongs to our beloved friend Pakistan.  No thanks, we'll just keep on slogging it out in Iraq, where the oil is anyway.

Hey - oil! What if there were no oil in Iraq - would we still be there? (About how little time can we take to answer that?) Of course not!  No more than we would be in Darfur, if there were genocide going on there, or Detroit if kids there were going without food or school, or Japan if they wouldn't stop murdering the last few whales on the planet in the name of research. 

What pride could there be in saying "I'll risk my life to fight genocide, or ignorance and starvation, or mass species extinction!" compared with the bottomless and unassailable patriotism a soldier proves, dying for America's right to pollute freely with fossil fuel smoke?  Or the Iraqi right to elect its own despotic, chaotic, backwards-leaning government?

Look, one goes to war with the causes one has, to paraphrase Donald Rumsfeld.  Being picky is not becoming to bellicosity.

Besides, America and her soldiers have every reason to be swollen with pride, already.  We have won the war.  We went to Iraq to eliminate the wholly false threat of Saddam, and by golly that we did, with precious little sweat or blood, how about that.  It would be nice to stick around and make friends with all those we thought we liberated, but there are far greater priorities. 

North Korea's just had a taste of the New York Philharmonic, and though the regime frowns on rock 'n roll, they say they want Eric Clapton next.  We say send 'em a few battalions of Insane Clown Posse Juggalos with tons of freaky snacks and spraybottles of Faygo soda, and watch the victory headlines start streaming.

Then on to Liechtenstein, home of shady banks that hide the fortunes of evildoers worldwide!  Let's roll in with Bradleys and Humvees and tanks of Iggy Pop, and open the books, spread eagle!  Why didn't we think of "spreading democracy" like this before?

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