Since their inception in the 1970s, "ex-gay" programs have been a subject of ongoing controversy. These programs seek to "cure" homosexuals using a twelve-step program similar to that of Alcoholics Anonymous. Christian faith and a relationship with God are integral elements of ex-gay "healing."

There are several sides to the controversy surrounding ex-gay camps. Those affiliated with the ex-gay camps believe that homosexuality is a mental illness and a sin, and can be cured through God's love.

Most members of the gay community resist the assertion that homosexuality is a mental illness or a sin. Most of them believe that ex-gay programs thrive on the patients' guilt and adhere to fundamentalist Christian beliefs. Most gays do not believe that homosexuality should be, or can be, "cured."

The American Psychological Association, the American Medical Association, and most other science-based organizations agree that homosexuality is not a mental illness and should not be treated as such. The APA has stated that the reparative therapies utilized by ex-gay camps are not effective and may cause more harm than good to the patients (www.psych.org/pnews/99-01-15/therapy.html).

Yet there is another side to the story that includes those who have been through the ex-gay programs and have not been "cured," but who still believe that the programs are valid, legitimate, and even useful.

James Masters

James Masters, a twenty-six-year-old gay man who currently resides in Grandview, MO, spent a substantial amount of time in ex-gay programs. "I was involved with Exodus for five years, and then came here [to Kansas City] and was involved with Living Waters," Masters said.

Masters entered Exodus (www.exodus-international.org/), which is one of the major founding organizations of the ex-gay movement, at the age of twenty-one. He joined Exodus of his own volition, but admits that there were outside pressures from his church and his family to become heterosexual. "I was actually looking for the cure," he said.

Masters spent more than five years looking for "the cure." During those six years, he went through the twelve-step process several times. "It's so repetitious, the same thing over and over — you have problems with your father, you have problems with your family, you were probably sexually abused....There are a lot of common denominators of homosexuality that they say — overbearing mother, distant father, and usually sexual violation at a young age."

At the pinnacle of his therapy, Masters began drawing conclusions. "I've been through the program for almost six years now and I feel no different. So I was struggling a lot, going back and forth. Finally, I just went 'Wait a second. I'm in control of my own decisions and my own life... God loves me... and this doesn't change his perspective of me all that much,'" Masters said.

During his participation in the ex-gay programs, Masters was overwhelmed by the persistent pressure to repent. "I was like, 'Repent of what? Lie and say I don't have these feelings? How does that work?'" he said.

Masters stated his belief that ex-gay programs do work for some people and that there are benefits. "There are some people that I've met that really, legitimately, I think it worked for them...I don't think it works for everybody. I think that there's a lot of pressure with religion...I think religion has a lot to do with why people would not want to be a homosexual. They think that God is not accepting them."

The repression of one's homosexual feelings is a staple characteristic of ex-gay programs. Often, Masters reflected on whether or not this sort of repression was healthy. "You repress whatever you feel in that realm [of homosexuality]. If you're not healed by the program, you just repress it....I've looked people right in the eye and I've said, 'So, you don't have homosexual feelings anymore?' and they do. Most of the people that I've talked to do," Masters said.

Along with repression, reconciliation is another mainstay of these programs. "It's based so much around reconciliation between family members and things like that. Ideally, their belief is that, if you reconcile with your parents — you reconcile with your father, you reconcile with your mother — you won't have to try not to be gay. That's a rare person that I've met that has actually done that — reconciled — and [doesn't] have homosexual feelings any more," Masters said.

There are many who share the APA's view that ex-gay reparative methods can be dangerous to participants. Masters seems unsure as to whether or not this is true. "I wouldn't go so far as to say they're dangerous, but I think that they're dangerous for some people. I know that, emotionally, it was good for me at first, until I kept going and the feelings just never went away like they were supposed to. And that's when it became dangerous like, 'What's wrong with me? Why is this working for everybody but me? I don't understand,'" Masters said.

Ex-gay programs are known for using masculinizing techniques in order to assimilate gay men into straight culture. "One of the biggest conferences that I went to had a whole section on how to be more masculine — watching football, being one of the guys, how to relate to straight guys — and I'm like, 'I will never understand. I will never get it. It's not me!' Sometimes they want to induct you into macho society, assuming that it will fix something. I don't necessarily think that's a very good tactic."

Looking back on the time he spent in ex-gay programs, Masters said, "I don't think I would trade in the five years that I've invested. Ultimately, I think a lot of good things came out of it. What they thought was going to happen after I got 'healed' didn't happen, [but] a lot of the repairs that needed to happen happened."

Copyright 2007 Metropolitan Community College