In last week's State of the Union Address, Bush announced the presidency, now termed the throne, as a lifelong voluntary post. He also eliminated the position of Secretary of State for "personal reasons."

In response to the announcement, Condoleeza Rice was quoted as saying, "Uh..."

Overall, the Republicans are pleased with this decision, particularly John McCain, who said, "Whatever it takes, as long as the Campaign Finance Reform Bill passes this time."

Democrats, on the other hand, are running amok.

Barack Obama has been seen smoking and reportedly proposed to Oprah Winfrey.

Bill and Hillary Clinton have likewise decided to inhale, which, though it has mellowed Hillary Clinton, still leaves her with enough energy to head a state-run militia.

Sunday's protest in New York brought out nearly 2.5 million marchers, an estimated half of whom received friendly fire from the Clintons, who apparently could not find their candyman before their stash ran out.

In related news, Bush was found in a heap in his bedroom this morning. Security footage revealed that he was jumping up and down on his bed with glee when he suffered an aneurism.

He is currently on life support, and a nurse in his ward recently discovered that the air in Bush's head is a renewable resource more efficient than flex fuels. Patent legislation is pending.

The nurse, Ma Sachist, was allegedly Stephen King's inspiration for Kathy Bates' character in Misery. Sachist said, "I couldn't be happier, but in spite of this, I will never quit my job."

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