Here are some ideas of how to spend spring break when your parents aren't paying for you to go to Cancun.
Alternate methods of funding:
Apply for a TIF grant. Of course, you're more likely to be approved if you hail from an affluent white neighborhood, in which case you probably don't need alternate funding.
Sell your plasma. $30 for about four hours. Bring a book.
Become a temporary panhandler, but be sure to stay at least 18 inches from the wall - and get it done before ex-mayoral candidate John Fairfield's impending legislation forbids it.
Sell your clothes at Plato's Closet.
Sell your roommate's clothes at Plato's Closet.
Be a nude model for the Kansas City Art Institute, right after you've sold all your clothes.
Get a job as the Liberty Tax mascot. It's an opportunity to meet new people, as well as hone your dance skills. Plus, you'll be qualified after your stint as a panhandler.
Participate in a paid sleep study. It's always fun to donate your body to science.
OK, let's face it. None of these parlor tricks will get you all the way to Branson, much less to Salma Hayek's pool party. So, here are a few cheap yet childishly amusing things to do:
Crash political fundraisers. Two words: open bar.
Hang out with the local indigent population at the public library.
Purchase a trenchcoat at Major Thrift and revive the '70s streaking craze.
 Send Yourself to Cancun |
Pretend you're playing Frogger at rush hour, preferably downtown. Then hold an interesting discourse with the police officer who issues you a ticket for jaywalking.
Establish yourself in a lawn chair and sunbathe in front of law offices and government buildings. Ask attractive passersby to help you apply sunblock.
Disguise yourself as a strip-o-gram and present yourself to Mayor Kay Barnes. When the receptionist denies you access, insist loudly that you're just doing your job.
Teach your younger brother to drive your car, then ask him to be your DD for those nights you get stranded in Independence.
Stand in line at the DMV and try to get people to play "Telephone." ("NO! I said reports, not genital warts!")
Speaking of warts, swap out the expired condom in your wallet with a fresh one from the Free Health Clinic.
Bring a boombox onto the Metro and attempt to throw a dance party. Alternately, engage your fellow citizens in a rousing game of musical chairs.
If all else fails, have a friend box you up and fed-ex your broke behind to Cancun. Estimated cost for someone weighing 150 pounds: $520.80
(Thanks to Amanda Liljegren for her contributions to this article.)
Copyright 2007 Metropolitan Community College