Editor's Note: this week guy and girl try to write from the other's perspective.

After all the flirting, and all the dates, the first time you kiss will be magic.

After time passes, and you've gotten to know each other, you'll think about a future together. You'll imagine a cute house with flower beds, and someday kids.

A common misconception males have of commitment is that a date or a romp means they'll automatically want it. Commitment, for girls, is something special. It doesn't happen because we had a few dates, or kissed a couple times; it happens when there is a reciprocated connection.

Guys think that getting married is like contracting a STD. You know what I’m talking about: you’re at a party, you're drunk, and some nasty slut is hanging all over you. You know you shouldn’t, but you do anyway.

The next thing you know, you're miserably sick, pissing razors, and all you want is to feel better. You wish this whole situation would just go away, but it won’t. Every day, you kick yourself for making one stupid decision that will plague you for the rest of your life.

We know this. We know that they don’t want to commit. They’re scared, and that’s okay. That’s why we have come up with these eight simple steps for girls to take in procuring a man:

Step 1: Be as attractive as possible. Obviously, the competition between us is fierce. Try to be the sexiest, most appealing thing they have ever seen. Your goal, of course, is to be the most desirable female in any given situation, whether it be school, work, at the bar, or just with friends.

The mentality you should put across is, “Don’t you wish you could have me? HA, but you CAN’T!” Men want what they can’t have, so exploit this to the fullest.

Step 2: Get his undivided attention. Once you choose your target, make your presence known to him. Bump into him in the halls or at a party. A trick that always works is to get him talking about his car. Usually anything that might give him a reason to talk to you again will suffice. If you're attractive enough, he'll take the cue and pursue you.

Step 3: Tease, then sleep with him. Don’t worry - after you're married, you won’t have to do this at all. The longer you wait, the more you will profit from this step. Just don’t wait too long - he may find what he wants somewhere else, then you'll have to select a new target and start all over.

Step 4: If you’re really in a hurry to marry, you can simply skip past the rest of the steps and move right to number 8. The shortcut is getting pregnant (or at least telling him that you are) and of course, saying that it’s his.

At this point, your target has two options. One, he either marries you right away (you can’t have a baby out of wedlock - what kind of whore does that make you?), or two, you can take him to the cleaners in court. Either way, you get something out of the deal: him or his money for eighteen years.

Step 5: Please him. I know this is hard, girls. What he wants and needs are really none of your concern, but if you want him to imagine a happy life with you, he has to think that you'll continue to want to please him after you're married.

Guy; Graphic by Andrew Allen

Step 6: Be patient! Congratulations, you’re making great progress. It isn’t over yet, though. He will drag you to boring places with the most retarded people imaginable, otherwise known as his “friends”.

This is the tricky part, because now you have a decision to make. You can loathe his friends from the get-go - but beware, this will cause immediate tension in the relationship. Only do this if you’re utilizing the preggers gambit of Step 4, or if you are truly confident that your opinion of his friends or their opinions of you don’t matter.

On the other hand, you can use his friends to your advantage. If his friends approve of you (or, even better, are attracted to you), you can use their approval as reinforcement for potential commitment. This is a great position to be in, if you can pull it off.

Step 7: Engagement. This is tough, because at first, he will not want to commit. In fact, if you bring the subject of marriage up before he is ready, it could ruin your plans completely. The target must be subdued. Wait until after sex, when he just wants you to leave him alone, and he’ll say whatever you want to hear, just to make you shut up. This is usually the best time to start securing him with the ol' ball and chain, as he’s half asleep anyway.

Another approach is to slowly bring it on him. You can start by depositing your belongings all around his house; this will not only serve as a constant reminder of you, but will also establish your place in the nest and ward off the sluts his friends hang out with.

An even better idea is to move in together. At that point, you’re practically married. After a while, he’ll get used to the idea of you being around all the time. Then all you have to do is drop hints whenever you two "happen" to walk by a jewelry store.

Step 8: Marriage. Finally, all of your hard work is about to pay off. All those long nights out with his friends, all those pathetic dates and crappy sex you had to endure, are now over. You've finally got him right where you want him, and best of all, he thinks he's right where he wants to be as well. Good job.

All marriages either end in divorce or should. It’s a fact, not an opinion. Men and women weren’t meant to be shackled together for all eternity. That's why divorce is so popular: men and women don't get divorced because they are so happy they can’t stand it. They get divorced because we are supposed to be separate entities, and we guys weren’t built to stay with one woman for long periods of time.

What women don't realize is that as men we are supposed to get out there and spread our seed around as much as possible. Women can’t keep the world populated by themselves. Our biological make-up demands that we mate with as many different women as possible. If we didn’t sleep around, the world would come to an end. You need us; we are doing you a favor, not the other way around. So stop forcing these monogamous relationships on us.

Women get us by wanting us to talk in between having sex, and then they want us to "share our feelings." If feelings are so important, then you should go get your own and leave mine alone. They're mine and they'll still be mine long after I call you a cab.

Women also try to lay claim to us by giving us little pet names. If I'm talking to a guy and some chick walks up and refers to him as her "Muffin Man," I'm through talking to him and he's also in a relationship, as far as she is concerned. You women do little things like that, that we don't catch until it's too late, and lead us into commitments that we don't want. You're like spiders, and your webs are made out of commitment.

You women are sneaky as hell. You call the waste of time between the first date and the time that you finally put out "dating," which implies that we are trying to build a relationship and thinking about the future. What we refer to as "sex" you call "intimacy," giving it an exaggerated feeling of closeness. Yeah we're getting closer all right, but not in the way you're talking about, lady.

Girl; Graphic by Joe Stafford

You girls think sex equals a relationship, when in fact it doesn’t. Sex equals sex and nothing more. Sex has to mean something to you chicks, it can’t just be fun and meaningless like it's supposed to be. You mistake lust for love. There is no such thing as "love." When you think you're in love, you're really in lust. Love just sounds nicer when you are trying to explain what the two of us have really been doing to your friends and family. That's something else women are notorious for: bringing their families in and complicating things.

Weddings exist purely for women. Let's be honest, no straight guy is into all the mingling and taffeta that goes into a wedding. We also have no need to legalize something we don't want. We were happy shacking up; you felt the need to bring your family and friends into it, by claiming to be in "love" and trying to live out some romantic fantasy you've had in your head since you were five. You want witnesses to watch You on the happiest day of Your life as You walk down Your aisle, while we view the walk to the altar as a reenactment of the The Green Mile - handcuffs, execution, and all.

As far as you girls are concerned, the grass could always be greener. If you're single, you want a man. If you have a man, you want him to commit. If he commits, you want him to marry you. What you don't realize is that, by forcing us into these relationships, you force us to cheat. When you start referring to our arrangement as a "commitment," we realize we are spending too much time with you, and then we get claustrophobic. The walls you painted, in the house you wanted, start to close in. Next thing you know, we're mowing another woman's lawn and you're upset.

We like being able to take stock of our arrangement, see we're no longer happy, and then pack up our shit and leave. It's not just us either; if you women were honest with yourselves, you would see that commitment is a very flawed thing. How many of you women can pick out a pair of boots to wear this winter, let alone a "soul mate" to spend the rest of your life with?

No sane person wants to give up the single life to commit. It screws everything up. Things are not where you leave them in your apartment, you have to report to someone about where you plan on going when you leave, and you have someone bitching at you to put down the toilet seat. No guy wants that kind of hassle, and any guy who tells you differently is lying to get into your pants. That or he's a Muffin Man.