Calmly, he says, “Hey Bob, your shirt's on fire.” “Thanks, Jim,” Bob replies, and he puts out the fire on his shirt. That's the end of the story.

Jim isn’t going to call Bob later that night and ask him how he felt about his shirt being on fire, and they are certainly not going to set a date to go out and buy Bob a new shirt. The fire is out, and the conversation and the incident are over.

We men interpret things much differently than women, which I believe is the basis of the differences and problems with communication between the two. For example, to a man, simply doing a girl on a regular basis is what you women call a “relationship.”

We men tend to think in priorities. What is most important right now? What is the bigger picture? It's not to say that we don’t plan ahead or think about the future, but all that isn’t as relative to what's happening at the moment.

Women take things too far by overanalyzing everything, which, in the end, makes for a confusing, long, and inefficient conversation. The route is not as important as the destination. All the mindless babble isn’t as important as the point.

We all know women love to hear themselves talk, which in itself is probably the biggest part of the problem, especially to a man who has done wrong in a woman's eyes. It doesn’t matter what the woman may have done wrong; she is always able to turn it around on the man. Don’t try to disagree with me on that one either; you know exactly what you do and how you do it.

I’m not going to say that women think more clearly than men, or are able to "out-think" or "out-wit" a man in conversation. There are linguistic aspects of conversation that men just don’t care to learn. For instance, a woman will take the conversation in a thousand different directions and eventually make the man lose focus on the whole point.

Guy; Graphic by Andrew Allen

I believe men think in black and white; right or wrong; it either is, or it isn’t. Women think in greys. Those are all the moot points between the beginning and end of a conversation. A woman's point may be relevant, but only to the extent she wants it to be. Any guy who’s ever been in an argument with a girl knows that it’s much easier to just agree with them, let them be mad, throw their fit (or cry for attention, rather), and get on with life.

My point is that a woman never gets to the point. She talks around a situation and expects the man to interpret or decipher what she really means. And, of course, she punishes him when he doesn’t. For example, when you hear a woman say "It’s your decision," what that really means is, "You better know what I want and give it to me right now."

You women let your emotions get in the way, too. Most of your interpretations are based on feelings and first impressions, thus making the majority of your decisions and behaviors erratic and irrational.

It must just be more fun to be catty, backstabbing, and manipulative, rather than simply being honest and direct with a person. Women tend to compile a list of alternatives to any given problem, which are derived from constant discussions with friends and family.

Inevitably the problem is: you women never pick one or the other and go with it. You just leave your options open. But that's typical. You won't let go of one branch until you've gotten hold of another.

As toddlers, girls are given socialite Barbies; boys are given GI Joes. Girls are supposed to play house; boys are supposed to play video games. As kids, girls are given tea sets and taught social skills, and boys are given firecrackers and taught to blow things up. While girls are reading Teen People and Teen Vogue with their friends, boys are sneaking Playboy and Hustler into the house and spending time alone.

These are the behavior norms for the two sexes and the reasons why men are not socially adept. They were not taught, and are not expected, to form and discuss their opinions in a verbal forum. They were not taught the art of subtlety as young boys, and then they grow into men who have less tact than elephants in glass houses.

Men cannot take (or give) hints; you're just not built for it. You guys don’t notice body language and the change of tone in someone’s voice. You don’t think that the look of death your girlfriend shoots you, when you say something dumb, is for you. You have this thing where, once you’ve had your say, the conversation is over. As long as you got your point across (which is all you care about), you are happy and, therefore, we should be happy too. What's the point in hearing another side of an argument when you have already spoken?

Conversations don't have to make sense. You just keep changing the topic and going off in different directions until you feel like you've made at least one point or confused us, whereas we like to stick to one topic until we either come to a conclusion or agree to disagree. Otherwise, what's the point of having a conversation? We like to follow the natural flow of the discussion and make sense. Guys skip around in a conversation and then eventually come back to the first topic (if prodded), only to go off on another rant that has nothing to do with anything that was discussed in the first place. Once they see they can’t win an argument they move on, instead of admitting that they might be wrong, to something entirely different. It's why men are so good at politics, because they have mastered the art of talking without saying anything.

If it wasn't for us girls, there would be no speaking in a relationship, nothing would get discussed or worked out, we would just muddle through a relationship until we broke up, and you guys are perfectly okay with that. If it were left up to men, we would all still be sitting in caves and grunting at each other, and dating would consist of dragging a girl back to your cave after clubbing her over the head.

Girl; Graphic by Joe Stafford

You guys have a completely different thought process than we do; you're all about the "live and learn," while we are more common-sense-driven. We like to think things out before speaking or doing something completely stupid. We like to weigh our options on a subject and then voice our thoughts and discuss it with someone in an intellectual conversation. You guys are all gut reaction. You'll do something, and then after your girlfriend bails you out of jail, you'll say, "I probably shouldn't have done that, huh?" Instead of speaking, you'd rather just hold grudges and become unresponsive. Don't believe me? See how long it takes a man to admit he's lost and ask for directions.

Instead of dealing with whatever bothers you, you shut down. You don't want to be bothered and you turn into babies. I've seen grown men turn into babies with least bit of criticism; they start to pull excuses out of their asses and get whiny about how it's not their fault. And you have the nerve to say women are emotional!

Men are infamous for not saying what they mean. If you don’t believe me, take this little quiz: How many of you tell your chic friends you're attracted to someone before telling the girl you’re attracted to? How many of you use your chic friends as mediators between you and people you’ve pissed off? When you go to jail, is it your guy friend or your gal pal who got arrested alongside you? Is it any wonder that “behind every great man there is a great woman”?

This simple conflict between the sexes will never be resolved because we can't fix it on our own. Until you guys figure out how that communication requires people to communicate, communication will never be achieved.