Note: The Ladder Theory states that every person has a mental ladder on which he or she places each person of the opposite gender upon meeting them. According to the theory, men have one ladder, and women are ranked on this ladder according to the level of his desire to sleep with them. Females have two ladders: one for men to whom they are sexually attracted, and one for men whom they view as friends only.

Of course, like everything, there will always be exceptions. However, those are most likely the men and women that are really low on just about everybody’s ladder and thus have no place being picky when it comes to choosing a partner.

Guy; Graphic by Andrew Allen

Think about it this way: the higher up on your partner’s ladder you are, the more crap they are likely to take from you. This means that personality isn’t really even a factor, so don’t even bother, I don’t want to hear it. For men, if the woman complains about everything, or is never in a good mood, or whatever the case may be, he is more likely to put up with more of it for a longer period of time based solely on the level of attraction he has for her. Women, you do the same thing. If your man is rich, powerful, and/or hot, you will put up with him ditching you to hang with his buddies, coming home late, or just plain treating you like crap.

Also, please don’t tell me about your best friend Johnny whom you just love so much and who would never do that to you. True, he may never try to make a move or jump from ladder to ladder. But deep down inside somewhere, he knows where you stand, and as long as you're not completely hideous, he would probably sleep with you if he could.

Though the Ladder Theory is not a guide to finding your soul mate, it is a guide to distinguishing the psychological aspects of attractiveness we carry in our subconscious. Just because you men agree with it does not make all women “whores,” and it's probably not the only reason you're not getting laid. You do need some degree of confidence, ability to compete, and at least a little novelty. If you were all the same, what would distinguish you from the next guy?

Showing complete disinterest always works too. Women, if you disagree, check and see if your boyfriend has no money, no potential, is not attractive and/or places you on the lower end of his ladder, and quit being in denial.

Before personality, before quality of life, before financial potential, she has to be physically attractive in some way to even make her a viable option. Sorry, but it’s true. Nobody wants to be made fun of for having the “ugly” girl.

First of all, there is no ladder; the ladder is only there as a visual aid to help men get a grasp on the complex thing that is called a relationship...sort of like a picture book to help illustrate to a three-year-old how to go potty.

Relationships are too complicated to fit into cute, neat little graphs drawn up by some bitter, sexually frustrated guy with too much time on his hands and access to a computer. People who believe in the ladder theory are mostly men who need a simplified explanation for being dumped, when the real explanation is that they are jackasses.

Girl; Graphic by Joe Stafford

The ladder theory makes it seem as if becoming a girl's friend is a bad thing. However, when we refer to a guy as a friend, it is not the kiss of death. It means we value having him around; it does not mean that we will never date him. On the contrary: it means he gets to know little facts and details that most guys we date never figure out. He also gets to see the mistakes made by other men we date, which can be very valuable.

The only point that the Ladder Theory comes close to being right about is that everyone does do the mental rating. BUT, the little pie charts are wrong. They state that money and power make up 50% of the female rating system. That is obviously untrue, especially in a community college setting where every guy is poor as hell and usually living at home. The only reason we keep talking to you is because of that 10% of the pie chart, the "things women say they care about but don't."

I know this comes as shock to all you guys who thought you could get that girl you've had your eye on with your money, but women are attracted to guys with a sense of humor and some intelligence. We can find the geekiest funny guy attractive and the hottest dumb guy to be a waste of a penis. When you date an actual female, you are graded on your personality, not your bank account.

This is why a lot of men like to think that women are money-hungry bitches: they are afraid of stimulating conversation and can then blame us for their lack of personalities and social shortcomings. If the women you date are only after your wallet, then there is something wrong with either you or your taste in women.

Stop trying to buy women and start dating them. You might be surprised at what happens.